I have so much in my life to be grateful for:  my family, a fabulous circle of friends who are always there for me, my health, a job that I enjoy (most of the time), and my faith.  Can one be grateful for faith?  I think so. I know that, without it, these past six and a half weeks would have been simply unbearable.  Without the certain knowledge that I WILL one day be reunited (again) with my sweet girl, I would go insane and just…give up.

It amazes me sometimes that faith is a two-way street; God has been faithful to me in some really amazing ways, and I will not ever forget that.  He gives back to me far, far more than I could ever give to Him; He is truly One of unconditional love and grace and mercy. That said, I do not presume to dictate to my Father in Heaven how to do His job; however, I do have to say that I am still questioning “why” He took Meghan so unexpectedly.  I have been told, over and over, that “it is God’s plan,” and I must confess that I grow weary of that response.  Obviously, it was God’s plan…that should not have to be stated.  But here’s the thing…the duck-billed platypus was also part of God’s plan and I think we can all agree that the platypus does not make a whole lot of sense, either. I mean, really…from Wikipedia, on the platypus:  it is an “egg-laying, venomous, duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed mammal.” I can’t be the only person who thinks that is odd, right?

My problem with people who just toss off the “God’s plan” response is that, even though it is a true statement, there is really no thought whatsoever in that “answer.”  It doesn’t comfort me, and it doesn’t encourage me.  I know old-school Christians (and probably some new-school ones, too) would say that we should not question God; my response to them is that God gave me a brain, intelligence to use it, and the proclivity toward understanding, so obviously, He expects me to ask questions, right?  So surely He would not say, “Yes, Angela, ask all the questions you like, just don’t question Me.”  Right?

I know that, as parents, we expect our children to do what we tell them to do, without question, so by that yardstick, yeah, maybe I shouldn’t question God.  But God is so much bigger, as a Parent, than we are in our little earthly roles.  For one…and this is a biggie, so hold on…while we can, and sometimes do, lose our children, God never loses His.  We are His from before our births until long after our deaths, into all eternity.  We can choose to separate ourselves from God, but He never truly leaves us.  And, as I was reminded earlier this week, we have to be honest with others and ourselves about where in our walk we are, so that God can meet us and minister to us in the place where we stand.  That is what He is best at.  Meeting us where we are and helping to heal us so that we can grow in Him.

So that is where I am right now…being grateful for what I do have, and trying to find a way to fit my new reality into the grid of my life’s experiences and just … keep living.  Meghan would have it no other way.

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